Grindr Generation a fictional partwork by Dante Harker

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Chapter Seven

Cream-a-lot: Why cats are better than us


To say that Cream-a-lot was a large cat was a bit of an understatement. He had been a gift from Toby’s grandfather when Toby had visited not long after his partner’s death. 

‘This is what you need, lad, got him off of my farmer friend, says he’s going to be a big one.’ Toby didn’t know his grandad had any friends who were farmers and wondered where the farm was given his grandad lived in the heart of a city. Still, when the big bundle of fluff was placed in his hand, they made an instant connection.

The bundle of fluff grew and then grew some more, and now, sat on Toby’s chest he could see nothing but a mountain of hair.

‘You need a brush,’ Toby said and then yelped as Cream-a-lot dug his claws into his chest. 

‘Fine! Stay a hairy mess, see if I care.’ 

After pushing the cat far enough away from his face that he could see his phone, Toby opened Grindr and to address the messages he’d been ignoring all morning.

After leaving Jamie with the twink, Toby had come home for a nap. The plan was to eat enough carbs to make the button on his jeans pop. His idea was to soak up the copious amounts of booze he’d had the previous night. 

A secondary hope had been that comfort eating would ease the anxiety he felt over the flaccid encounter he’d apparently had the previous night. He still had no memory of it. He could remember chatting to a man he believed handsome, but perhaps, for his own good, he had blocked out the conclusion of their meeting. 

When Toby joked about being numb from the neck down, he hadn’t really thought through that idea. It wasn’t too hard to imagine that the trauma he’d suffered had left him unable to perform.

There were ten messages waiting for him on Grindr, but rather than reply, he clicked through to his text message app and messaged Jamie:

‘What the fucking use is a top who can’t get hard?’ He said it out loud as he typed. Cream-a-lot stood up, turned his arse towards Toby’s face, paused for a moment and jumped off. Then after leisurely strolling across the room, as if walking down a red carpet greeted by a mass of adulation, he sat down and began to lick his balls. 

‘Classy,’ Toby said to the cat as he, unfortunately, looked up just as Cream-a-lot was getting stuck in. 

‘You know they have pills for that, don’t you?  Order some’ buzzed Jamie in reply.

‘A little rude, perhaps I don’t want to take pills. The twink gone?’

‘Years of therapy or pop a pill. The former means that by the time you can get hard again, you’ll be too old to fuck cute lads, I know which one I’d go for. And no, he’s still here, he’s busy.’

This message came back with a picture of the top of the twink’s head. 

‘Oh fuck, mate, surely he has better things to do than blow you all day. Surely you have better things to do?’ At the thought of his friend being blown as they chatted, Toby got up to get himself another slice of quiche from the kitchen.  

‘What better things are there to do than have a cute lad desperate to please?’ Jamie replied. 

Toby looked down at where he had placed the knife on the quiche and then moved it until the portion he was about to cut was double the size. 

He thought about typing ‘cheese, and ham pie is better than an average blow job’, but he decided against it. 

Before Toby could reply another text came from Jamie with a link to a site that sold a range of erection-boosting pills. 

‘How did you manage to search this out while that boy’s going at you? – That’s impressive stuff even for a man with your err… stamina.’

‘I’m a genius mate, I’ve told you before, and I didn’t want you to miss out on this,’ This time there was a pic of the twink looking pleased with himself, his lips glistening. 

‘Looks like you’ve done that guy a favour, well if he’s a poor student that is – he looks like he won’t have to eat for a week now.'

‘That’s gross,’ Jamie blasted back. Jamie thought about replying at the hypocrisy of that being what was gross about all of this, but instead, he texted, ‘there are loads of different pills on here, how do I know which one to go for?’

‘Go for the yellow ones, they last for a whole day and kick in after 20 minutes or so, super easy.’

‘The yellow ones? Way to narrow it down… oh wait, there is only one yellow one, fine! – Anyway, you seem to be up on all this stuff? You tried them?’

A huge lump of quiche hit the floor as Toby forgot his mouth was already full and tried to stuff more in. Cream-a-lot rushed over, licked the top of the sloppy mess and sneezed 

‘I guess you didn’t like that,’ Toby said to the cat as the cat bashed at the pile with his paw and then stropped off, leaving wet footprints as he went. 

Slumping back into his chair, Toby decided to clean up the mess in a while. He knew that if he went to get a cloth now, he would come back with another plate of food. 

His phone buzzed, and Toby picked it up and read ‘back in my druggie days I tried lots of boner pills to combat what the highs do to your cock.’

‘Oh, yeah, I forgot you had druggie days, that kinda passed me by.’

‘You didn’t miss much TBH mate. Lots of wasted days, dribbling in the corner, cock not hard half the time, fucked by random strangers... Not the most amazing of times.’

Cream-a-lot walked past Toby, glared at him, then walked over to the kitchen door frame and started using it as a scratching post. 

‘Oi, don’t do that, you!’ Toby pulled off a sock and threw it at the cat. It, of course, missed as the cat, without much effort, sidestepped the sock. Toby looked down at his one bare foot and cursed the cat under his breath. 

‘I thought you liked getting fucked by random strangers,’ Toby texted back. He then flipped back to the website with the boner pills and clicked to order ten of the yellow pills. 

‘I do like getting fucked by random strangers, I have one coming round in an hour. I just like to remember it that’s all.’

‘Who’s coming round in an hour? Has the twink gone then?’ Jamie’s energy and sex obsession was a constant surprise to Toby. Well, not so much a surprise as bewildering. Meeting someone felt like such an insane effort for Toby that he just couldn’t get his head around the idea of adding another guy into the mix.

‘The twink wanted his first threesome, seemed mean of me not to oblige.’ 

‘You’re a beast you know that?’ Toby said and got up to get a cloth.

‘You should be a beast, you’re fit, handsome, good-sized cock from what I could tell last night – get someone over and stop being a baby – you could always just bottom if you’re worried about getting hard. Oh, got to go, the third is here.’ 

As Toby filled his plate up with random bits from the fridge, he thought about the idea of being bottom. He’d done it once or twice over the years but always found it more painful than fun. 

‘I’m not sure anyone is going to want to fuck me if I’m full of food,’ Toby said to Cream-a-lot as he wondered into the kitchen to see what Toby was doing. 

Before he started on the food, Toby walked back into the living room, sat down and picked up his phone. He opened Grindr and looked through the messages. 

After quickly deleting the messages that were just a shot of someone’s anus, he started looking through the ones that didn’t turn his stomach. He then narrowed it down to guys who had versatile on their profile. He said ‘vers top’ as he hadn’t wanted to put himself in such a tight container when he set the profile up. 

One message was from a cute looking early twenty-something who said ‘I never bottom, but would for you, you free?’

‘That’s not for you,’ Toby said to Cream-a-lot when he pushed the plate of food out of harm’s way. He then texted the cute lad saying, ‘what if you didn’t have to bottom, would you be up to topping me?’

The reply came moments after Toby clicked send. ‘Seems keen,’ Toby said to the cat, who was inching himself slowly towards the plate of food.

‘You’d let me top you? Fuck yeah, you’re so hot’ – Toby didn’t feel hot, he felt headachy and a little sweaty. 

Before Toby had a chance to reply, the cute lad messaged back with a body pic and a picture of him holding his cock. ‘Fuck!’ Toby said to Cream-a-lot, who looked up and gave Toby an ‘I wasn’t moving towards the food, oh no’ look. 

The cock was big and thick, and even the thought of putting it into his bum made him recoil in pain. Still, he replied ‘wow dude, that is huge, not sure I’d be able to take that.’

‘I’ll take it easy on you, don’t worry.’ Toby wasn’t sure if he was worried, mostly because he didn’t really have any intention of meeting. 

As if by some kind of mind-reading magic, as Toby had that thought, a message came through from Jamie: ‘if you’re debating meeting someone, just get on with it and meet them. It most likely will be shit, but it could be great, and you won’t know till you say yes.’ With it was a picture of the tops of two heads going to work. 

‘Fine,’ he messaged back and then added, ‘pay attention to what you’re doing, those guys look like they are doing their best.’ He added a vomit emoji, he wasn’t sure why, and instantly felt mean, so he added one of a face laughing so much it was in tears. 

Then without pondering it further, he messaged, ‘you’ll have to start super slow mate, it’s been a while, and that’s a monster – when you free?’ As he clicked send, he felt a wave of anxiety build in his stomach. He thought for a second about going to get one of the pills his mum had given him. She said it was ‘mother’s little helper’ and wouldn’t do him any harm other than calm him down. 

He had struggled to sleep for a while after the fatality, and she assured him they would help. Taking them for just one night was enough to tell him that they weren’t for him. He had slept the night and most of the following day away. It had then taken another couple of days before his mind felt less full of fog. 

‘This is not the time for a foggy mind, Creamy,’ Toby said to the cat. The cat didn’t answer; instead, he rolled onto his back and stretched out his paws. Toby wished he were a cat.

‘I could be there in half an hour if you want?’ Monster Cock Man replied. Toby wasn’t sure if he wanted him at all, never mind in 30 minutes. It had been a long time since he had let anything in his bum past a finger, never mind something as big as a baby’s arm. 

‘What do you think, he wants to top me?’ Toby text Jamie and attached the photo of what was on the table. Though if something that size was on the table, you could bet for sure someone would chop off its head and ask to be sainted. 

‘In for a penny, in for a pound – pretty much literally,’ came a very quick reply. Toby often wondered if Jamie’s phone was actually glued to his hand. 

‘Fine,’ Toby messaged back and then sent Monster Cock Man his address, waited for confirmation he was actually coming and then rushed off to get a shower. 

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